Becoming Whole: Chapter 9

Cara woke to light streaming in on her face and Cody curled up to her back.  She smiled at the realization that she hadn’t had any more issues sleeping.  With Cody beside her she’d fallen asleep quickly and she didn’t remember any dreams.  She felt more rested and safe.

Groaning softly, she sat up and Cody jumped up next to her.  He wagged his gray, brown tail; shaking his whole body and the bed.  She had to smile at that.  He looked so inquisitive, his face right next to hers, and his whole body shaking.  Cara patted him on the head and laughed when his tongue jutted out, catching her nose.

Something clicked outside of her room and Cody’s ears perked up and he raced for the door.  He scratched at it, as it was nearly shut and finally something pushed it open.  Cara saw Hudson’s face glance up at her and then he nodded at her before leading Cody along side the hallway.

Cara stretched her arms out and yawned.  She liked the feeling of not waking to a nightmare.  It had been a while since that had happened. Lying in bed with Mark had left her jumping at every move sure he was going to hit her again.  It had always angered him, usually he’d just yell that it was absurd that she flinch when he touched her.  On occasion he’d slap her and yell that now she had a reason to flinch.

He is a bastard she thought to herself, but he will never touch me again.  She smiled at that thought.  He might be in her dreams, but she would never have to see his face again in real life.  She could handle the night terrors that would hopefully subside after time.

Slipping out from the covers she grabbed her jeans and slipped them on.  She pulled a blue tank top from her back pack and slipped out into the hall towards the bathroom.  She didn’t think Hudson would mind if she took a shower, but figured she should at least give him a heads up and check the time.  In the kitchen Hudson was pouring a cup of coffee.  It smelled amazing.

“Hudson, I’m gonna take a shower real quick.  I have enough time right?”

He looked over at her and offered the pot of coffee.  “Yeah.  It’s only eight, we’ll leave around nine thirty.  Want some coffee later?”

“Yeah.  That sounds nice.  I’ll be quick.”  With that she headed back towards the bathroom.

Hudson’s voice followed her, “No hurry.”

She smiled and shut the door.  A fresh towel sat on the small cabinet.  She realized that he must have put it out this morning as it hadn’t been there last night.  He was thoughtful.

Cara slipped quickly from her clothes, turned on the water and waited for it to warm before stepping in to the steamy haze.

Small hotel sized bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash were on the ledge for which she was thankful.  Showering up quickly she dried and then slid her jeans back on and put on the new shirt.  She felt refreshed.

Back in her room she quickly applied her tinted moisturizer and swiped on mascara.  She patted the tinted moisturizer onto the bruise on her neck but it did little to erase the dark black and blue mark.

In the kitchen, Hudson was cooking scrambled eggs and bacon.  It smelled amazing.  He turned to face her, his dark hair looking slightly disheveled.

“Would you like some?  I cooked enough for two and I just poured the coffee in the mug on the table.”

She laughed, “You trying to make me fat?”

He looked her over and she immediately felt uncomfortable.

“That was stupid.  Yes, I’d love some.”

He grinned and scooped up to large plates and brought it over.  “Eat up.  You could stand to gain a little.”

She looked at him pensively, but his face didn’t give away a look like he was being sarcastic.  Instead he just looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.  The well fitted dark green shirt he wore looked nice.

She watched him sit and begin to scoop up the eggs to his mouth.  She slowly followed his lead and before long was chewing the last bite of bacon.  It all tasted so amazing.

After breakfast and the coffee had been downed, she grabbed a few twenties from her stash of money.  She put her bag under the bed and met Hudson in the kitchen.  He’d done something to his hair as it no longer stuck out in every direction.  His face was freshly shaved, the light amount of hair that had begun to emerge on his face that she’d noticed this morning had disappeared.  He looked nice all cleaned up and with his green shirt that matched his eyes.  Stop looking at his eyes, she told herself.

During the night she’d convinced herself that there was no reason why her picture would have made it to Montana.  It would probably be on the missing list in Portland, but that was as far as it would reach.  She prayed she was right.  She didn’t want anyone here to begin to believe she was someone other than Cara Steele, a woman who had decided to get away from the big city.

Cara helped Hudson carry a few things into the truck and then they quickly loaded the four-wheeler into the bed as well.

Hudson turned out of the driveway and turned on the radio.  A country song she didn’t know rattled off and Hudson softly sang along.  She couldn’t help but smile.  It felt nice to be around someone who could just be himself and happened to be kind.  It had been a while since she’d had the experience, and it was warming her insides.

Hudson turned into town and she was thankful when he gave her a quick tour as they drove along.  He showed her the small grocery store and pointed out a few other places that she might be interested in.  Then he finally pulled into a house which he told her was his mothers.

Cara looked at the charming yellow house.  Baskets of multi-colored flowers hung from the porch creating an inviting image.  A large white sign with black wording said, Welcome.

Suddenly worried about meeting the mother of the man she’d been getting to know she fidgeted with the band across her wrist.  What if the woman took one look at her and didn’t like her.  What if she could tell things about her, just by looking at her.  Cara breathed deeply and reminded herself that she was being silly.  Hudson was incredibly kind and the woman who raised him most likely had a part in who he had turned out to be.  If she was even the slightest bit like him, she would be amazing.

“Let’s go.  She’s looking forward to meeting you.”

Slipping from the car, Cara and Hudson walked up to the house, Cara following from just behind him.

Hudson knocked and then proceeded directly to open the door.  “Mom, we’re here.”

“Hudson!”  An excited voice exclaimed from somewhere on the other side of one of the walls.  There was a small hallway that lead to an open area where a brown couch was just peeking out.

Cara copied Hudson as he quickly slipped off his shoes and then proceeded down the hallway, pausing once to wait for her.  He ushered her in ahead of him and she was startled as arms wrapped around her.  A woman of about the same height as her, with short, curly, dark brown hair was embracing her as if Cara was the woman’s long-lost daughter.

“Honey.  It’s so good to meet you.  It’s Cara right.”  Cara listened as the woman pronounced it as many did.  Hard a’s.

“Mom.  Cah rah.  Soft a’s.”  Hudson jumped in before Cara had the chance to correct the woman.

“Oh.  Cara.  Okay.  Honey, I’ve got some cookies baking.  I hope you don’t mind, I just love baking and thought I could get to know you better over a couple of cookies.”

“Of course.  It smells incredible.”  Cara was about to add in her name but quickly realized she didn’t know it.  “I’m sorry, what was your name again?  Hudson probably mentioned it, but I’ve got a lot of my mind with the move and all.”

The woman smiled genuinely and placed a hand on Cara’s shoulder.  “It’s Delilah, but everyone calls me Dee.”

“Ok.  It’s nice to meet you Dee.”

Dee looked as if she was about to say something when Hudson cut in.  “Sorry to be rude, but I’ve got to get going to work.  I’m going to park the four-wheeler in the drive way.”  He stopped and looked directly at Cara.  Her blood pounded; he was going to leave now and she’d be all alone with this woman.  “If you need any help getting home or back to my place, which is unlocked, just ask my mother.”

Cara nodded and looked over at Dee who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Son, we’ll see you this weekend.  I love you.”

Cara watched as Hudson bent over and hugged his mom quickly before heading out the door.

“See you both later.”  He said with one last word as the door shut behind him.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 8

Hudson grabbed his phone from it’s place on his nightstand.  It flashed on and white numbers spelled out, 2:30 am.  He sighed.  What was going on with Cody?  He could hear him audibly growling.  Had Cara spooked him?

Hudson rolled out from under the covers and padded across the cold, hard floor.  His door was partially open and he glanced outside to see Cody standing at the guest room door growling.

“Cody.”  Hudson hissed as quietly as possible.

The outline of Cody’s head looked his way before facing the door again and continuing to growl.

Groggily Hudson made his way over.  He was about to hiss at Cody again when he heard something inside the room.  Placing his ear to the cool, painted wood of the door he heard murmuring.  He wondered if someone was in their with her.  It sounded like something was wrong.

He closed his eyes and listened more intently.  Cara’s voice was barely audible, but he could hear the word stop being repeated.  He placed a hand on the door, ready to open it and find out what was wrong when he heard her gasp out loud.  He could hear the bed move and footsteps moved over to the door.  He stepped back away from it, expecting the door to open, but instead there was a click and a light flashed under the door alerting him that she must have turned on the light.  He could hear footsteps make their way back to the bed and the slight tell-tale creak of the base as she climbed back into it.

He looked down at Cody who now seemed to have settled.  He was laying back down on the floor next to the guest bedroom.

Knowing it would be impossible to go back to sleep right then he padded through the darkness to the kitchen and turned on a dim light.  It was enough for him to see clearly but not so much that it thrust him into full alert.

He grabbed a jug of milk from the fridge and poured it into a saucepan.  The lighter clicked before lighting the gas stove.  Hudson sat on one of the bar stools next to the island and waited for it to heat.

A click of a door down the hallway caught his ear and light flooded towards the kitchen before Cara eventually emerged from the hall.  She peered into the kitchen hesitantly and then he watched her eyes soften and a hand reached up and pulled back her hair with a sigh.

“Would you like a cup of warm milk and honey?”  He asked gently; trying to keep a calm demeanor so that he would be able to eventually get back to sleep.

“Um.  Yes.  Thank you.”  She said in a whisper.

Hudson slipped up from the chair and pointed to the other bar stools for her to sit.  He swung open the refrigerator and poured more milk into the pan before sitting back down.

He noticed that she wore her jeans.  He wondered if she’d taken them off for bed and then slipped back into them before coming out.  The image of her panty clad bottom and bare legs sliding between the soft cream sheets sent his mind into overdrive.

He shook his head and took a second to look at her.  She was shaking lightly, her eyes looked haunted and damp from tears.  The image that had previously filled his mind was gone and the desire to ease what ever was going on with her took over.

“Are you okay?”  He watched as she took in his question and peered over at him.  She closed her eyes and seemed to roll everything away, even shaking her head.

“Yeah.  Sorry.  Bad dream.  What are you doing up?”

He wondered if he should be honest.  Would that embarrass her or make her uncomfortable?  Probably.

Instead he chose, “Cody had to go out and woke me.  He’s already back in but I needed something before trying to get back to sleep myself.”   Hudson looked down at Cody who had followed Cara into the kitchen.  His big brown eyes and lifted eyebrows showed what he could only imagine to be concern.  He loved his German shepherd.  The dog had been through so much with him and had always been there to curl up next to him when he sat in his study to read or plan out a project.

“I think he woke me too.”  Cara murmured.  Her eyelids looked heavy and kept closing before she opened them back up.

“Sorry.  Not used to dogs?”  Hudson wondered if in her half asleep state she might spill more than she meant to.  Amazingly, she did just that.

She laughed, her eyes closed and then said, “Mark wouldn’t let me have something I might love more than him.”  Her eyes darkened and she sat up straighter.  “Is the milk ready?”

Hudson wondered who Mark was.  Her boyfriend, her mother’s boyfriend, maybe even her father before he died.  He stood and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and then poured the warm liquid into each.  The little container of honey was pulled down from another cupboard and he made his way back to the island.

Putting one in front of Cara he flipped open the cap and poured honey into his cup.  He handed it to her and watched as she squeezed in a good amount.  They both stirred simultaneously, the metal spoons clinking against the mugs.

Hudson watched her bring the mug to her lips and slowly sip.  She looked almost haunted.  Dark circles under her teary eyes.  It must have been some nightmare he mused silently.

He brought his own mug to his lips and sipped the soothing mix.  It was something his mother had prepared when he’d been a child.  Nearly every night he’d fallen asleep shortly after having the warm concoction and now it was apparently wired into him to sleep after drinking it.

“Cody sure is a sweetheart.”  Cara said suddenly.

“Huh?”  Hudson asked being caught off guard.

“Cody.  He slept right outside my door most of the night.  Do you let him sleep with you?”

Hudson grinned.  Cody was a good old boy.  “When he wants to.  He has a mind of his own.  He seems to like you though.”

“Would it bother you if I left my door open a little and see if he wants to sleep in the guest bedroom?”  She seemed to see his uneasiness because she quickly followed with, “Never mind.”

Hudson realized that her eyes had lit up slightly when she’d mentioned allowing Cody into the guest bedroom and now she looked embarrassed.  Her brow was furrowed as if she was deep in thought.

“No.  Of course you can do that.  I was just worried he might annoy you.  He’s not the quietest dog.”

Hudson watched a smile slowly curve her lips upwards.

“I’d like the company.”

Her words knocked him off balance.  What?  Oh, Cody’s company.  When the words had come out of her mouth he’d thought for absolutely no sane reason that she’d meant him.  Perhaps it was the way she looked at him, so unintentionally seductive with her wide, teary blue eyes lined with thick, black lashes.  The words she’d spoken and the way the corners of her pouty lips were upturned had his mind jumbled.

His hand wavered as he looked at her so he set his cup down onto the dark wood island.

“No problem.”  He shot out before attempting to subtly stare around his kitchen.

Grabbing up his mug again he downed the rest and brought it to the sink.  He rinsed it out and put it in the dishwasher before turning to her.

“Are you still drinking yours?”

She nodded and took a few more sips.  It’s a little hot for me.  I’ll rinse off the mug and put it in there when I’m finished.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

Hudson looked around, stared down at Cody who still sat at Cara’s feet and sighed.

“Night.”

“Night.”  Cara responded and he turned away.

Walking back to his bedroom he tried forcing his mind away from Cara.  He knew he only felt this way because she was the only woman he’d been around like this since his wife.  No other woman had been in his house, let alone drinking warm honey milk in the middle of the night dressed only in pajamas.  Looking down he realized, well, pajama bottoms in his case.  He never slept in a shirt, it felt too constricting.  Cara had been in jeans so technically she hadn’t been in pajamas, but none the less.  It was late at night and the scene in the kitchen had been far too intimate.

Back in his bedroom he quickly slipped into the covers and lay quiet.  He listened for a while before he heard the sink run and the dishwasher slide open.  Then Cara and Cody’s footsteps sounded through the hall.  He didn’t hear the click of her door so he knew it was left partly open.  He could faintly hear Cara saying, “here boy,” and knew she was trying to convince Cody to jump up on the bed.  From the sounds he felt certain that Cody had done just that.

As everything stilled he fell asleep with the image of Cody snuggling down across Cara’s feet as Cody often did to him.

Yep, They Said It!

Becoming Whole: Chapter 7

Cara had quickly excused herself, almost to the point of being rude when he’d mentioned that his father was the local sheriff.  What if Mark had filled out a missing person’s report and it landed on his fathers desk.  If she went to the dinner he was likely to recognize her.

She was standing at the sink trying to remember to breathe and furiously wiping tears from her eyes when she heard a soft knock at the door.  Damn it, she thought.  Was he expecting to do something now that dinner was done?  Did he want to talk about her suspicious reaction at the table when he’d mentioned his father’s job?  There were so many possibilities and she didn’t know how to react.  Of course she should have known that this wouldn’t work out as soon as everything had fallen into place too perfectly.  She would have to move on somehow and find somewhere else to go.

“Just a minute.”  She called out before dunking her face into the cold water under the faucet.  She dried her face quickly on a towel and glanced in the mirror at her eyes.  They were slightly reddened from being so upset, but hopefully it would just look like she’d gotten water in her eyes.

She pulled open the door to find Hudson leaning against the wall across from where she stood.  He looked a little puzzled but also cautious.

“Yes?”  She asked, putting all her effort into sounding pleasant and unafraid.

“I…”  Hudson started and then trailed off.  He looked nervously down the hall, like he wasn’t quite sure how to say whatever he was about to.

Cara stood there waiting for what seemed like an eternity.  A million thoughts raced through her mind.

“I just wanted to say goodnight.  Make sure you have everything you need.”  He finally said.  She could tell by the look on his face that the words that had ended up coming out of his mouth hadn’t been what he had wanted to say, but she ignored that and answered him with a gentle smile.

“I think I’m good.  Thank you so much for everything and…”  She looked up into his green eyes and felt the pull that she already knew existed there.  “Good night.”  She finally said.

She didn’t realize that she was biting her bottom lip as she usually did when she was nervous until she noticed his eyes trail down towards her mouth.  She self consciously rubbed a hand over her lips and gazed at the floor.

After far too long she heard Hudson let out a deep breath and he murmured, “Good night,” again before heading down the hall towards what she assumed was his bedroom.

She reached into the bathroom and switched off the light.  Darkness surrounded her aside from a stream of light that poured into the hallway from the room Hudson had just entered.  She walked to the room beside it, the guest bedroom and flicked on the light.  Her bag sat on the bed, just as it had earlier and she quickly moved it aside and onto the long, brown dresser across from it.   She switched the light back off and moved towards the bed again.

She peeled off her shoes and pants and then slipped under the cool covers.  She heard noises around her as the house settled and the patter of Cody’s paws against the hardwood floors outside the room.  It sounded as though he sat in front of her door and lay down.  She felt protected.

She drifted quickly into a restless sleep.

Dark shadows danced around Cara.  Mark’s voice taunted her.  She was in the cabin she was renting.  The bed with it’s dark yellow stains in front of her.  

“Cara.”  His voice whispered menacingly.  “Cara.  I found you.”

She whimpered, shaking uncontrollably with the knowledge that he was right behind her.

She felt his hand slide up her arm and then down her back.  His rough lips kissed the back of her neck where he’d bruised her.  He pulled her hair out of the way roughly.

“This is how you like it.  Isn’t it?”  He asked as he bit down gently on her neck.

Cara could feel her whole body shake as he began to slide her shirt up.  

“No pants.  Easy access.”  He drawled slowly against her ear as he caressed her bare legs.  

Her shirt was lifted over her head and his hands skimmed down over her small breasts and to her curvy hips.  “Half of you is like a little girl, the other half is a fat woman.  No one could want you, you’re lucky I’ll have you.”  

Cara turned around, this had to be a dream.  He couldn’t have found her already. 

His face was pale and angry.  He wore his uniform, his gun holstered to his side.

She reached out a hand for it, but he drew too quickly.  The cold metal was pushed between her eyes.  A strangled cry tried to bubble up from her stomach.  She breathed slowly and closed her eyes momentarily before opening them and flailing out an arm in an attempt to knock the gun from his hands.  It stayed put and he shoved her down onto the dingy mattress.

“What’s wrong honey?  You want Hudson?”

Cara gasped and began pleading.

“No Mark.  Of course not.”

Mark raised the gun and brought the butt of it down across her face.  Pain pulsated in her jaw where the gun and her face collided.

“Please don’t.  No more.”  She cried again.  She failed her arms trying to push him away.  His scratchy lips somehow made their way to hers.  “Stop.”  She cried in a muffled voice.  She kept flailing as Mark’s voice became a low growl.

The sound became louder and louder until she faintly realized it wasn’t part of her dream.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 6

The steaks finished cooking within minutes and Hudson placed everything on two plates.  Once they were on the table he set off to let Cara know it was ready.  He heard running water in the bathroom and noticed the door was partially open.  He figured there was no harm in ducking in to let her know, if she’d needed privacy surely she would have shut the door.  Poking his head in he was about to speak when he noticed a dark, black and blue bruise across the back of her neck.  He stood shocked wondering where she could have possibly gotten it until she moved, her hand reaching for a towel.  He ducked back out quickly and knocked on the door when the water stopped.

“Yes?”  Cara’s voice was clipped and nervous.  Hudson could hear her pull the hair tie out and assumed she was straightening everything back over the bruise.

“Foods ready.”  He heard himself say as different possibilities popped into his head.  Could she have fallen back on something?  It didn’t really make sense.  He thought about how skittish she was.  And then he remembered her slips on words.  How she’d seemed uncertain of her last name when she’d said it.  The way she’d nearly said something else instead of Seattle.  It was obvious she didn’t want to talk about it, so he’d keep his mouth shut for now.  He didn’t want to scare her off.  He’d thought about her nervous laughter and everything else about her had just been because of the unfamiliarity of the place.  But everything on top of the single backpack she had and no phone made him wonder just what she was running from.  He didn’t think a moving van with all of her stuff was coming any time soon.

Abusive boyfriend he wondered.  Or possibly family member.  Maybe her mother’s boyfriend.  She’d said that her father was dead and that she didn’t get along with her mother.  Was that why?

He shook his head at all the thoughts, the desire to help her overcoming him even more.  He felt angry and tried to quell the emotion as he realized it could have nothing to do with abuse.  She might really just be a nervous person with little in the world who had managed to hurt herself somehow.  He could feel in his gut though, that wasn’t what was going on.  It was something else that she obviously wanted to pretend hadn’t happened.

“I’ll be right there.”  She called from inside the bathroom.

“Ok.”  He called back.  “I’ll be in the dining room just off the kitchen.”

“Alright.”  He heard her call back.

He made his way back into the kitchen and sat at the dining room table.  His skin was crawling with the need for answers.  He liked helping people, but he couldn’t help someone if he didn’t know what was wrong.  He concentrated on the aroma of the meal so that hopefully by the time she came back, the murderous anger that was flaring in his eyes would be gone.  If she’d been hurt by someone, he was damn well going to make sure she felt safe here.  He wasn’t going to be the one to scare her.

He walked back into the kitchen and filled two glasses of water.  He heard her steps behind him and then the scratching of Cody at the back door.   He took a deep breath and put a smile on his face turning around to face her.

“Here.  I’ll go let Cody in before he starts howling if you can set these waters at the table.”

She grabbed them from him, careful not to touch him he noticed and walked over to the table.  He rushed towards the back door and opened it for Cody who lazily plopped down right inside the door next to his water and food bowls.  Hudson slid a can into the bag of dog food and quickly deposited Cody’s share of food in his bowl.

Back at the table he sat adjacent to Cara.  She had sat patiently waiting for him so he nodded at her and added, “Let’s eat.”

Thankfully everything was still warm as they dug into the meal.  He had to admit it was a pretty great combination.  His mother’s spaghetti paired well with the steak.  Hudson hoped that she was enjoying it.

“Is it okay?”

She looked up at him and nodded.  She licked her bottom lip.  “It’s so good.  You’ll have to thank your mom for me.”

“You’ll have to meet her and tell her yourself.”

Hudson looked at Cara, curious as to what her reaction would be.  Her eyes widened in shock but then calmed.

“I suppose it would be nice to know others in town.  Do you think she’ll need a house cleaner?”  She crinkled her brow wishing she hadn’t just asked that.

He shrugged his shoulders.  “Maybe.  I’ll ask tomorrow.  Maybe you can meet her tomorrow after I get off work.  Usually the whole family gets together on Friday nights.   You’re more than welcome.  My mom loves to hear the new gossip first hand too, so you’ll be doing me a favor.  She’ll be upset with me if she hears about you through the grapevine elsewhere, when I live right next door.”

He hoped she would take that explanation for granted.  It was all true, but he also did want her to come.  He wanted to find out more about her and his mom was notorious for getting people to spill their secrets whether they wanted to or not.  It wasn’t that his mother was nosy but rather that people just trusted her and tended to tell her everything even if it was the first time they’d met her.  There was just something about her that put people at ease.  Aside from hoping that Cara would spill her secrets, he also wanted her to meet someone comforting in town.  If he first introduced her to others she might be overwhelmed by all that Victory had to offer.

Cara seemed to mull over the idea for a while.  She chewed a mouthful of steak and pasta before finally responding.  “I’d like that.  I’ll work on what I can at my place tomorrow while you work.   Do you mind if I come back here and grab any extra tools while you’re at work?”

“Of course not.  I leave the door unlocked, so just make sure you don’t accidentally lock it when you leave or you wont be able to get back in.”

They continued eating until suddenly Hudson quickly placed both hands down on the table with an idea in his head.

“Do you know how to drive a four-wheeler?”  He asked Cara.

She looked at him suspiciously.  “Yes.”  She said slowly.

“How about I drive you into town tomorrow when I head into work and we’ll put the four-wheeler in the back.  I can drop  you off at my mom’s, so you have a chance to meet her before you are inundated with the rest of my family and then you can check out the town, get anything you need for when you move back into your place and just drive the four-wheeler back.”

He waited for Cara to respond.  He thought the idea was pretty brilliant himself.  He was surprised that he hadn’t thought of it earlier.  His mother wasn’t going to get through to her very well with four or five other strangers sitting around staring at Cara.  If they had some one on one time it might help ease the whole transition.

She looked around nervously.  “I don’t know…”  She started.

Hudson looked down at his nearly empty plate.  He’d apparently been a little too enthusiastic.  She looked uncomfortable.

“It’s okay.  No need.  I just thought it might be a little less stressful if you got to familiarize yourself with her and her house before meeting a bunch of strangers.”

He looked into her big, blue eyes as they glanced up into his.  Damn.  She was beautiful, he thought.  Beautiful and nervous.  He didn’t even know her and the thought that maybe someone had hurt her had a tight knot forming in his stomach.  He was pretty sure he’d have a hard time not killing a man if he found out he’d been abusing a woman.  The way he was raised, men were naturally bigger and stronger to protect women, not to abuse them for their own gain.  It made him feel sick inside to think that someone might have touched her in anger.

“You’re right.  It’s a good idea.  It would just be her?”  Cara’s small voice asked hesitantly.

“Yep.  My dad will be working all day.  He’s the local sheriff.”

Cara’s eyes widened visibly and she nearly choked on her last bite of dinner.

“Oh.”  She finally said after sipping her water and clearing her throat.

Her reaction to his father’s job had his mind spinning.  Was she a criminal?  She couldn’t be.  She looked so innocent.  His gut reaction was saying that something was going on, but a criminal didn’t feel like the right answer.  He supposed that she could have gotten that bruise doing something illegal but it just didn’t feel right.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 5

Light creme colored walls and dark wood furniture made up the contents of the guestroom Hudson was showing Cara.  She liked it.  It was beautiful and spacious.  She wondered if Don would protest to her painting the walls of the cabin she was renting.  Hopefully she would get it to a more livable point.  She wanted to like where she lived.

Hudson sat her backpack on the creme comforter that covered the bed.  Everything was color coordinated and well done.  It was quite beautiful.

Cara glanced back at Hudson.  He was watching her as she gazed around the room.

“Do you think it’ll be okay for the night?”  He asked after smiling at her.

“It’s beautiful.”  She said without thinking.  “I mean.  Yes, of course it’ll be alright.  I won’t want to go back to my place.”  She laughed nervously at her admission.

“Well, you are welcome to stay until we find you a new mattress.  That one left at the cabin is a disgrace.  I may know of someone who is getting rid of one.  I’ll ask them tomorrow morning.”

Cara glanced over at him bewildered.  He was being far too nice.  Did he expect something?  His generosity made her nervous.  Even Mark when he was first trying to capture her attention hadn’t been that nice.  “Oh, that’s too much.  You don’t have to do that.”

He laughed out loud startling her.  “I realize that I don’t have to.  But there’s no reason not to.  I know the town better and what’s going on, so if I can help, I will.  Besides, you have to admit, that mattress at Jenkins place is pretty bad.  Even with sheets you won’t feel clean at night.  I have no problem with you staying in the guest room until we find you something else.  During my time off, I can help you fix up the place so that it’s more livable.”

She smiled uneasily at him.  “Thank you.  I’d like to at least pay for your help.”  She saw that he was about to disagree and quickly added, “I won’t be able to sleep at night if I don’t.”

Whether or not he believed her, he kept his mouth shut on the matter any further.

“Let me show you the guest bathroom.”  He quickly walked for the door, holding it open for her and then leading her two doors down.  He opened the door to a small, also well done bathroom.  A small round basin of a sink stood upon a white pedestal and a black cabinet mirror combo stood at face level above it.  A white free standing bath with a matching white shower curtain lay on the opposite wall from the door spanning the width of the room.  A toilet sat next to it and then then there was a decent amount of standing space across from the toilet and sink.  White towels hung on bars installed in the yellow wall.  It was bright and cheerful.  She realized suddenly that the bathroom, like everything else in his house, was in pristine condition.  She wondered if he was the world’s cleanest man or if there was already a house cleaner in the area.

“Everything is so clean.”  She ventured to say.

He slid his hands into his pockets sheepishly.  “My aunt comes in and cleans it every other week.  We made a deal when I helped build her and my uncles house a few months ago.  Although, come to think of it.   Our little arrangement ends in a few weeks.  End of August if I remember clearly.”

Cara felt a little excitement gnaw at her insides.  “I was  cleaning houses in Por…. Seattle…” she stuttered before continuing on nervous that he had caught her slip.  “You know, before I moved here.  I’m actually hoping that I can find a few places to clean as a job here.”

She glanced up at Hudson to find him staring down at her curiously.  Cara could see his mind whirring and she silently prayed it had nothing to do with her slip and rather had to do with the idea of her cleaning houses.

“You know, if I have you clean here once my aunt and I’s arrangement ends, I’ll be able to give you a good reference for others in town.  They don’t take my word lightly.  They trust me and therefore those that I trust.”  His voice was warm and comforting.  He made it seem like everything was going to work out.  Still, she could see something else beckoning to make it’s way out of his head.  He had questions for sure.

“That would be incredible.”  She smiled and brushed the falling strands of hair back behind her ear.  Things were falling into place and as long as she didn’t do anything too stupid, this might just all work.

The scent of spaghetti began wafting towards them and Hudson turned back to the kitchen.  “I’ll go put those steaks on.  Feel free to use the restroom or put your belongings into the drawers in the bedroom.”

He quickly headed out and she watched him as he walked down the hall and towards the kitchen.  He was strong, nice, handsome, and a million other things that she liked.  The idea of having had met him first made her insides warm.  She briefly wondered what it would be like to have a man like him hold her.  The thought lasted momentarily before everything Mark had told her time after time sunk in.  She wasn’t one of the tall, gorgeous women he had cheated on her with.  As Mark had said, she had a fat ass and basically nothing for breasts.  Her face was ordinary and far from pretty and no man in his right mind would seek her out.  He had told her a year in that he’d only married her because her father had essentially begged him to.

She wondered where the man who had acted in love with her had gone.  It had been so fleeting.  Then she thought back to Hudson.  Aside from the fact that he could probably never find her attractive, she still had bruises which she couldn’t risk anyone seeing.  That would only bring questions.  She had been doing her best around Hudson to hide the one on the back of her neck.  She was thankful her hair was cooperating today and laying flat against her back.  She hadn’t planned on really seeing anyone so she hadn’t brought makeup to cover it.

She remembered how she had gotten it.  It had been her last night there and she had felt brave.  Had thought that maybe if she stood up to him, she wouldn’t have to leave everything. That she could somehow make him see what he was doing was wrong.  She’d planned a beautiful meal, knowing that it may very well be the last she had with him, and had just pulled out the roast when he’d opened the front door.  She remembered the nerves that had knotted in her stomach.  His heavy steps had made their way into the dining room and he had openly swore.

“What they hell did you do this for Cara?”  He’d asked.

She’d swept into the dining room hurriedly, carrying the roast and setting it down on the table.  “I thought I’d surprise you with a special dinner.”

He’d looked at her with disgust and shouted, “What did you do?  You only do something like this when you’ve screwed up, so out with it.  What did you do?”

The strength she’d felt with the knowing that she’d finally be able to escape him had made her stupid.  She’d yelled, “I didn’t do anything you asshole.”

She remembered the second the words had flown out of her mouth.  Her hand had slapped across her mouth in horror and his face had become stony cold.  He’d marched towards her and she’d cowered backwards until she’d run into the wall.  A quick slap had sent her to her knees crying and then he’d grabbed something from the table and smacked her across the back of her neck.  She’d later realized that it was a large metal serving fork and was thankful he hadn’t stabbed instead.

Angry tears threatened to boil from her eyes as she thought over it.  She slammed her fists down onto the bed and muffled a sob.  No, she wasn’t going to break down right before she saw Hudson again.  She breathed slowly and deeply getting herself back under control.  She headed back into the bathroom with a hair tie and quickly pulled it up to rinse her face.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 4

Hudson hadn’t been able to believe the state of the cabin.  He’d known it was shabby, but apparently the last few years had been rough on it.  The bare mattress, covered in yellow and brown stains and the dingy couch were gross to put it simply.  There were no sheets anywhere, and even if there were, he wouldn’t want to sleep on it.  Maybe he could find out who had an extra, unwanted mattress in town.  He knew the Murphy’s had just bought a new bed since he had built the frame for it, but wasn’t sure if they had already sent their old mattress to the dump.  He hoped they hadn’t.

On top of that, the kitchen was bone dry.  Her little backpack didn’t look like it was hiding a meal.  The thought that she might stay the night, hungry, at that little cabin hadn’t set easy on his mind for the thirty seconds it had been there before he’d thought to invite her over.

The drive back to his place was quieter.  He didn’t really know what to say and she just sat there looking frozen on the seat.  He’d pulled into his paved driveway quick enough and Cody bounded up howling hello.

He glanced over and noticed Cara smiling at his crazy pet.  Cody was four.  His dad had come over with a puppy a few months after Ray had died.  His dad had sworn that the dog was just too much for him to handle and that it was either Hudson’s or the pounds, but he knew that his father had bought the dog for him as a way to combat the loneliness and pain he’d been feeling since Ray’s death, and having Cody around had helped.

Ray been kicked by a horse.  He still couldn’t believe how quickly it had happened.  How she’d been gone in a split second after that horse’s hoof had hit her temple.  The coroner had told him it was a freak accident.  Marie, the horse’s owner had told him that a snake had spooked the horse right at the second Ray had bent to pick up a shoe.  The horse had turned, kicked and managed to hit her perfectly.  She’d never had a chance.  It had been instant, which he supposed was comforting in some way.  He was glad she hadn’t suffered.  He was glad he had picked that morning to bring in a little flower growing next to the wood pile and put it in Ray’s hair before kissing her and holding her tight.

He knew that too many people didn’t have a good last memory.  He also knew that even the smallest negative occurrence could make the one left alive feeling guilty.  He’d done that at first.  He’d only been able to remember that he’d canceled lunch on her last second which was why she’d been where she was at that moment.  If he hadn’t canceled, she’d be alive right now.  But he’d moved past that.  Thinking like that had left him miserable and angry at everything; God, life, the town, even Ray.  It was a dark path that had spiraled down quickly and he reminded himself that he was done with that.

He took a deep breath and blinked his eyes to distribute the moisture that had collected at the bottom rim of his eyes.

Hudson glanced over and noticed Cara eyeing him with confusion.

“Are you alright?”  She whispered softly.

“Of course.  Let’s head on in.  I’ll show you the guest room and then we can cook up those steaks and warm the spaghetti.”  He quickly popped open his door and grabbed her backpack to carry it inside.

“I can carry it.”  She said, forcing him to glance back at her.  She had leaned over the seat towards the backpack, unintentionally causing her shirt to gape open.  He glanced down and could see a light pink bra hugging her curves.  He breathed in sharply, jerked the backpack closer and headed to the door saying, “I’ve got it.  Come on, let’s eat.”

His tone was hard and he knew he’d probably startled her with his sharpness, but he had needed to break the hold she seemed to place on him.  He’d noticed other women since Ray, but not like this.  Maybe it was how helpless she seemed.  He couldn’t help but try and take care of others.  It was part of what got him into carpentry.  When things fell apart or were worn down, people didn’t take the same pride in what they owned.  He liked making things look like new, making people proud and happy of what they had.  He also liked making things that were useful to others.  Whether a simple chair or a deck, when he was finished, most people had a look of wonder in their eyes that he loved.  It was a source of fuel for him.  It made getting up in the morning possible, especially when Ray had first died.

He opened his door, which he hadn’t locked, he knew everyone around here and they knew him.  He had a nice place, because he’d taken care of it and made it better piece by piece, but he didn’t have an abundance of things one might want to steal.  Plus, he trusted those in Victory.  Most people there had grown up together.  They were a true community.

Inside he lead her into the kitchen.  He liked to think it was elegant in it’s own way.  Rich wood and stainless steel with a black finish complimented each other.  The main counter and sink looked out on his property thanks to an enormous window that took up the majority of the wall.  The island which housed most of his cookware and featured a hanging rack of his cast iron pans above it was the second counter.  A thick slab of dark, rich wood sat on top.  The oven and stove were on the wall adjacent to the main counter.  He’d taken his time building this kitchen.  Each piece put in with love and care.  It was one of his favorite places in his house; competing only with his study and bedroom.

Studying Cara he noticed she looked impressed.  Her eyebrows were raised, her blue eyes wide and a soft smile gracing her full, pink lips.

Hudson grabbed one of his cast iron pans and placed it on the gas stove.  The he rummaged through his refrigerator and grabbed the steaks and spaghetti.

“I’m just going to throw the spaghetti in the oven to warm it up.  It looks like just enough for two.”

Cara nodded and continued glancing around.  “This place is beautiful.  Did you do some of the work?”

Hudson tried to hide a smile.  “I did all of it.”

He watched Cara’s face light up.  She again looked impressed.  But this time, she looked impressed with him and he liked it.

Hudson placed the spaghetti in the oven and began unwrapping the steaks from the familiar white paper Doug Reese, the town butcher, had wrapped it in.  He always had Reese package the elk he got yearly and sometimes he got a few extra beef steaks as a special treat.  He was glad he’d happened to pull out one of the beef packages.  Cara was a city girl, so she might not like elk.

He grabbed butter and pepper and questioned, “Any allergies?”

She shook her head, “Just cats.  I think we’re safe.”

He prepared everything then washed his hands.  “While we wait for those to warm up a bit, I’ll show you the guest room.”

Becoming Whole: Chapter 3

Cara had expected Hudson to walk over to the drivers side of the truck, so when he followed her to the passenger side, she’d felt a little uncomfortable.  She wondered what he was doing.  She turned back to him to inquire what he was doing when his hand jutted out and grabbed the door.  She nearly laughed.  He was getting the car door for her?

Instead of letting out the laugh that was threatening to burst through her, Cara nodded, her lips quirked upwards and simply said, “Thank you.”

She placed a foot inside the truck and hauled herself upwards.  She watched him shut the door and amble towards the driver side.  Since he wasn’t looking at her for the first time since she’d met him, she got the chance to size him up.  She’d noticed his lingering stare after she’d bumped into him and then again when they’d gotten to his work area.  She remembered the feeling of his chest when she’d backed into him.  It had been muscular, and therefore quite solid.

Stop thinking about him.  She thought to herself.  She was still married and the idea of even thinking about another man that way felt like a betrayal, even though Mark had been sleeping around since before they’d even been married and had abused her in various ways throughout their marriage.  The ideals her parents had instilled in her as a child still came up to the surface on far too many occasions.  Including the principles that declared she shouldn’t divorce the man she had married, although he would have never even let her try if she had been able to convince herself she should.  Instead, she thought it better to run away and hide from him.

The door opened and Hudson slipped up onto the leather seat and glanced over at her.  Cara stared straight ahead, trying to not feel the electricity that seemed to be firing between them.  She’d never experienced attraction like that.  She’d been comfortable with Mark when she’d first been with him.  She’d slowly come to care for him which is why she’d married him when he’d proposed.  She hadn’t felt the pull to him like she was feeling for Hudson right now.  He was more physically attractive than Mark had been, so maybe this was just a case of lust.  Lust like she’d never felt before.

Breathe, she told herself.  Remember the exercise.  Picture yourself somewhere else and just forget he’s sitting right next to you.  Forget that you want him to reach across the seat and grab your hand.  Her mind was getting the best of her.  There was no taking a deep breath and getting rid of the feeling bursting inside of her.

So, instead of trying to concentrate on something else, she spoke up.

“How long have you lived here?”  Small talk would hopefully give her something to concentrate on other than his thigh sitting a mere foot and a half away from hers.

“I grew up here.  I’ve lived here since I was born aside from a few stints away.”  She felt his eyes on her as he asked, “What brought you here?”

Cara stumbled on her thoughts.  She’d come up with a story.  What was it again?

“I… um.”  She looked out the window into the darkening world whirling by.  “I just needed out of the city.  Needed some time away from the hustle and bustle.”

“Hmm.  I can understand that.  I did a stint in New York.  It was just too much.  I missed everything here.”

“Yeah.  I lived in Seattle.  Too much crazy after a while.”  She’d specifically chosen Seattle as she’d been there many times and it was close enough to Portland that her knowledge of the general area would make sense.  She didn’t want anyone talking about a blonde from Portland randomly moving into town.  She worried that even though it was seemingly impossible, the news might just make it back to Mark.  If it was some Seattle girl, he hopefully wouldn’t even think about it connecting.

“So do you have plans for what you’ll do here for the short vacation?”

She looked over at him curiously.  “I didn’t say this was a vacation.”

He smiled and she caught her breath.  His smile was breathtaking.  “Well, you said you just needed a getaway, so I figured.”  He lifted his shoulders casually.

“No.  I’m planning on staying here as long as I can.”  The words were out before she thought it through.  She laughed nervously.  “Not as long as I can.  I just meant I’m hoping to permanently move to the area.”

Hudson spun the wheel towards her driveway.  She was thankful there was still a bit of light.  If she had walked it would have been dark by now and walking into the pitch black, creaky house alone didn’t sound appealing.  It was surprising how quickly the sky had darkened.  She hadn’t realized how late it was when she’d arrived.

The truck tires left the gravel road and hit the dirt driveway.  The beams from the truck shown directly into the house.  She clicked the seat belt off and moved for the door.

“Thank you.”

“Your welcome.  I’ll walk you to your door though, and get that estimate?”

“Right.  I forgot about that.”

She hadn’t forgotten.  She’d hoped he had.  She didn’t want him seeing that she literally had only a bag.  An old couch, the bare, stained bed, and some of the other basics that came with the place were all that spruced it up.  She didn’t have sheets and hadn’t really thought yet whether she wanted to sleep on the bare, yellow mattress or make the couch that nights bed.  She had already planned on laying down one of the few shirts she had brought so she didn’t have to have her face directly on anything.  Tomorrow she’d planned on borrowing the bike in the shed Don Jenkins had mentioned and going to buy some basic sheets in Victory.

“It’s a little bare.”  She said, sliding off the seat and down onto the soft dirt.

“Moving truck didn’t get here yet?”

“Right.”  She replied lying and headed towards the house.  She slipped her key from her pocket and unlocked the door.  Scrambling for a light somewhere, she slid her hands cautiously along the walls silently praying there were no spiders.  This little cabin looked like the perfect home for spiders.

Hudson came in behind her and within half a second he had found the light switch.  Cara guessed it made sense he might know where the light switch was, he’d mentioned it being rundown, which meant he’d probably been inside.

Glancing at Hudson’s reaction to just how bare the place was made her feel like she should have just told him to come another time.  Sometime after she had sheets, basic kitchen supplies.  Her stomach growled at that thought and she realized the only food she had was half of the granola bar she’d bought passing through Idaho.  The night was looking worse and worse with every new realization.

“So, this is it.  Take a look around at what ever you would like to.”

Cara watched Hudson slowly meander around the place.  He opened the door to the bedroom and glanced around before shutting the door again and then peeked into the bathroom and kitchen before joining her back in the living room.

“I spotted a few things I can fix.  I’ll give Don a ring tomorrow and let him know.”  He peered down at her backpack.  “Where’s the rest of your stuff?”

She shrugged.  “I packed light.”

Hudson looked worried.  His dark brows were furrowed and his light green eyes burrowed into her.  She wanted to slink back against something, into the shadows where he couldn’t see her.  It felt like he was gazing right inside of her.  Pushing a rough, tanned hand through his jet black hair he sighed.

“Why don’t you come have dinner with me.  Maybe crash in my guest room.  It’s got fresh sheets.  I’ve got some work I’ve got to get done tomorrow from ten till four, but before and after that I’d be happy to help you fix the place up.”

Cara thought over what he said.  She wanted to sleep on a clean bed.  Plus, food did sound good.

“Are you sure?” She asked quizzically.

He nodded his head.  “Yes.  I’ve got some steaks defrosting that I  had pulled out for the next few days as well as some leftover spaghetti my mom sent me home with.”

Cara looked at him hesitantly.  Why was he being so nice?

Hudson’s lips turned down into a frown.  “You’re not a vegetarian are you?”

Cara laughed at that.  “No.  Definitely not.  I would love to have dinner with you, and if you’re sure about crashing in your guest room, I’d love that too.”

Hudson leaned down, picked up her backpack and opened the door, holding it wide open for her.  She stepped out, amused although pleased at his manners, and then locked up before they jumped back in his truck and he drove her back to his place.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 2

Hudson glanced out his window as Cody, his German Shepherd began howling.  A woman he’d never seen before with long, blonde hair and a petite frame was making her way up his driveway.

“Cody quiet.”  He snapped.  Cody looked over at him with raised eyebrows, looking as curious as a dog could.  Hudson moved back into his room quickly, grabbing a shirt and quickly throwing it over his head.  He’d just gotten out of the shower after finally completing the wrap around porch on his house.  If he wasn’t working on something for one of the area’s residents, he could usually be found fixing up his place.

Moving quickly again for the door, he flung it open right as the woman raised her hand to knock.  Her cheeks flushed when she saw him.  She sported long, thick black lashes around wide, blue eyes.

“Hi.”  Her soft voice broke the silence.

Hudson smiled, “Hi.  What can I do for you.”

The woman looked down momentarily and slid a fallen strand of her silky, blonde hair behind her ear, before asking in a shaky voice, “Is there any chance I could borrow a hammer and some nails?”

Hudson looked at her dumbfounded.  He hadn’t been expecting that.  “A hammer and nails?”  He repeated back questioningly.

The woman’s eyes crinkled as discomfort etched her face.

“Sorry, I just moved into Don Jenkins rental up the road.  I guess I’m your new neighbor.  I need to make a few repairs and don’t have transportation at the moment to go into town and pick up some supplies.”  She spoke quickly and looked quite flustered.  The hint of pink was back in her cheeks.

“That’s no problem.  I can even help out a bit if you need.  I know the place you’re talking about.  It’s pretty run down.”  Then he stuck out his hand in greeting, “And I’m Hudson.  Hudson Denning.”

He looked at her expectantly and she finally stuck out her hand.  “I’m Cara.”  She stopped there and he continued looking expectantly until she blurted out, “Cara S…Steele.”

“Nice to meet you Cara Steele.”  Hudson beckoned inside the door, “Come on in, I’ll find you what you need.”

“Thank you.”  Cara slipped in past him quickly and then jumped back when Cody bounded up to her.  She collided with Hudson’s chest as he followed her in.  He reached out to steady her and his hand brushed the bare skin of her shoulder.  Her little scoop neck t-shirt clung in all the right places and left the small dip of the inside of her shoulder bare right where his thumb rested.  He realized he’d spent a little too long looking at that shirt and imagining what lie beneath it when her breath caught and she stepped back quickly.

“Uh…”  He stumbled, “The tools are right through here.”  He closed his eyes and shook his head, feeling like an ass.  He knew better than to stare at a woman’s chest, especially so obviously.  The touch of her soft skin, just below her collarbone had stirred something inside of him.  Something that hadn’t been stirred in a long time.  He’d sworn off women after his wife Ray had died.  He didn’t ever want to feel that helpless, crushing despair again.  Living in the middle of nowhere had it’s perks when you’d called off women.  Aside from his mother and grandmother, no woman had stepped into his house since Ray had died.  He hadn’t even really considered that until now.  Now that he wanted nothing more than to touch Cara again.

Tools, he told himself.  Concentrate on finding her some tools.

He grabbed one of his many hammers, a few nails, a screw driver, and some screws before turning back to her.  She was looking around at his work area, seemingly not paying attention to him.  He took that moment to really look her over.  There was something sad behind her eyes.  Her hair covered her neck and swept down over her shoulders and down her back.  She was slender, but not thin like some women he knew.  She was a little curvier on bottom than top.  A slight, curved waist lead down to curvy hips.  She had a gorgeous hour glass figure that her boot cut jeans and white scoop neck showed off perfectly.  A tightness swelled throughout him and he desperately needed to force his concentration elsewhere.

“I’m a carpenter.  I was serious about helping you if you need it.”

She looked caught off guard at his statement but recovered quickly.

“Oh.  That might be nice.  I’ll have to see what I can do myself and then let you know.”

Henry grabbed a slip of paper.  “Here.  I’ll write you my number so you can give me a call if you need help.”

“Oh.  I don’t have a phone right now.  If I need anything, I’ll just drop by and hope you’re here.”

“No phone?”

Cara shook her head.  “Nope.  I’ll get one eventually.  I just don’t see the point right now.  There’s no one I want to call at the moment.”

Hudson paused at that.  “What about your family?”  He noticed her stillness and then continued, “Sorry.  I’m being nosy.  You don’t have to tell me.”

A corner of her lip moved up indecisively and he thought she wasn’t going to more, but then she continued.  “It’s fine.  My dad passed away when I was younger and I don’t quite get along with my mother.”

Her eyebrows knitted and she looked uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry.  That’s got to be tough.  I talk to my parents nearly every day.”

He watched her eyebrows raise and her eyes brighten with humor and he felt himself smile because of it.

“Well, they do live right in town.  I can’t very well ignore them when they are only six miles away.”

Cara nodded lightly, humor still glinting in her eyes.  “Well, I’d better get back before it gets too dark.”

Remembering she had walked over, he said, “Hey.  Let me drive you back.  I don’t have anything better to do.  I can take a look at what needs to be done really quick and give Don Jenkins an estimate for repairs.  That old man likes to get away with what he can, but he’s a good guy at heart, and if I tell him certain things need fixed and that I’ll do it for him cheap, he’s likely to go ahead with it.”

“That sounds great.”  She actually looked pleased which made him glad he’d suggested it.

He walked her out and towards his truck.

Becoming Whole: Chapter 1

Cara Sanders danced across the creaky, wood floorboards of her new home.  It was old- possibly even decrepit, but safe, which was exactly what she needed.  She had arrived just today after a month of scouring craigslist on a local library’s computer in search of something she could afford.  With over four thousand dollars saved in a few strategically placed locations around her husbands house, she had been able to afford escaping and could comfortably live for a few months before having a job would become necessary.  She’d planned it all down to the last detail.  She would never feel Mark’s fist on her again.  He would never touch her again; never yell at her again.

Nearly six hundred miles had brought her to just outside Victory, Montana from Portland, Oregon.  A couple bus tickets, a taxi and some hitchhiking and gotten her here.  She had messaged Don Jenkins whom she had met not even an hour ago and he had agreed to rent to her on a month to month basis with cash only.  The cabin was run down, but it was affordable.  A dusty, urine soaked, old bed and some basic decor from the seventies had been included and she had jumped on the offer.  Four hundred and fifty dollars a month plus a deposit of the same amount had taken a size-able chunk of her savings, but she figured she could get a job cleaning houses like she had done in Portland.  Only now she wouldn’t have to go home to Mark who ordered her to hand over every cent she made.  She was glad she hadn’t told him exactly what she had made so when he did start changing into the cruel man she’d known him to be in the last few years she had been able to stash part of her earnings away from him.

She had tried getting away too many times to count.  She’d mentioned to her mother how Mark had changed.  How his jealous nature which she had thought of as sweet had turned into a nightmare.  Her mother had just said that a woman’s duty was to please her husband and that Cara needed to put in more effort.  Even after Cara had told her that he was having sex with other women, her mother had told her that it was she who needed to clean up her act instead of Mark.  She knew her mother had been brought up in a highly religious family, as she had in turn raised her, but Cara didn’t agree with her mother’s sentiments towards women or religion.  She was no ones property and she didn’t believe in the God her mother did.  Her God was someone entirely different.

After Cara had realized she wasn’t going to get help from her mother or anyone else, she moved out one afternoon instead of cleaning as she had told Mark she was going to do.  When he’d found her, only a few short hours after he got off work, he’d managed to get a key to her hotel room and had walked in unannounced and thrown her up against a wall choking her as he berated her for trying to leave.  Then he’d forced her down onto the bed and had sex with her, covering her mouth as she pleaded for him to leave.  The physical harm he’d done to her wasn’t even the worst of it.  He’d made her feel small, disgusting and unworthy for three years.  Almost till she’d given up hope and killed herself.  He didn’t let her have friends, she was only to work and then come home and clean their house and cook him meals.  He’d beaten her and inflicted verbal abuse until she walked around like a shell of a person, almost believing that she deserved it.

She’d needed a release from life and she’d almost downed a bottle of pills, until her Pandora playlist had cycled through to an advertisement about going to Montana.  Something had clicked inside and a new passion for life had spread through her.  She wasn’t going to let him win and dying would do just that.  After that, every second was spent preparing to escape far away where he would never find her.

The memory of what it had taken to get here was overwhelming.  Cara took a deep breath and practiced the meditative breathing exercise she had read about in a magazine.  It had said to take five long, deep breaths while concentrating on something positive to change your outlook in moments.  She pictured herself lying under a green tree and staring up at the leaves.  As the fifth breath escaped she opened her eyes and looked around, a new, slightly more positive energy filling her.

After looking around at how many repairs needed done she considered that perhaps a neighbor would have a few basic tools that she could borrow, she even thought of calling Don Jenkins, till she remembered she didn’t have a phone.  She’d left it in Portland with most of her belongings.  Cara didn’t want anything that he could track her down with.  As a cop, he wouldn’t have a hard time tracking her down if she used things like that registered in her name.  She thought about jobs again, as a house cleaner, she could essentially live off the grid.  Request she only be paid in cash and get a safe to leave her money in.  She could live like that for a long time she figured.  Long enough that he no longer tried to look for her.

Cara had chosen Victory for many reasons.  She’d read that the majority of the population was female which made her feel safe, it was close enough to a decent size city that she could get the supplies she needed and the name itself.  She wanted to be the victor in her own story.  She wasn’t going to live out her life with someone else writing her story.

With that thought, Cara walked toward the door.  Don had mentioned that there was a neighbor less than a quarter miles down the road.  She figured that she would head that way and pray someone nice was home.  With a couple nails, a screw driver, hammer and some other basic tools, she could have the basics in the house fixed up in no time.  The idea of being self sufficient put a little more bounce in her step.